Rooted in Love: Easy ways to Build Christlike Friendships in a Self-Focused World

As a culture, we often celebrate self-promotion, independence, and the pursuit of personal gain. The Scriptures, however, call us to a different kind of life - one that is characterised by humility, sacrificial love, and friendships that reflect the character of Christ. In a culture that privileges individualism, biblical friendship stands out as a counter cultural expression of God's design for human connection.  

As we approach Friendship Day, it is a fitting time to reflect upon why friendship and love is so important to God. Jesus Himself said in John 15:12-13,  

This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends.

Christ did not model friendship based on convenience, but on covenant — laying down His life for others. He also showed us what true obedience to the Father looks like: submitting to God’s will fully, even when it’s hard, even when we are afraid, or even when our own desires or plans do not line up with His. 

There is more to friendship than just having fun or fitting in. It is about loyalty, honesty, compassion, and helping each other to find strength in God. It is about walking with those who are wise, bearing one another's burdens, and extending grace when mistakes are made. For this reason, it is essential to teach children what true, Christ-like friendship looks like to foster their social and spiritual development. It is our responsibility as parents, educators, and caregivers to guide our children toward friendships that will build them up, bless them, and reflect the love of God.  

There is a much deeper meaning to friendship in God's Word than in many of today's worldly values, such as popularity, convenience, and self-promotion. True friendship, as described in Scripture, is characterised by love, trust, kindness, and self-sacrifice. It is steadfast during trials, honest in communication, and anchored in grace.  

Biblical friendship is not based on surface connections; it is a covenant-like relationship that reflects the very heart of Christ. It is repeatedly emphasised in the Bible that we are to love one another with sincerity, walk in truth, and encourage one another to live a godly life. Proverbs 17:17 captures the essence of loyal, Christ-like love where it declares,  

A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.

This means that in a Biblical friendship it is not just words that convey love, but actions as well. These actions are demonstrated through loyalty, truth, and kindness that endures regardless of any challenges that may arise.  

We see that attributes of a Christlike friend are:  

• Loving at all times – demonstrating a steadfast love that mirrors God’s own.  

• Loyal – standing by others in hard seasons and choosing relationships over convenience.  

• Trustworthy – honest, reliable, and full of integrity.  

• Kind – using gentle words and generous actions to uplift others.  

• Joyful and encouraging – bringing laughter, comfort, and emotional strength to others.  

• A good listener – showing humility by truly hearing and understanding.  

• Honest – willing to speak truth in love, even when it’s difficult.  

• Respectful of differences – valuing how God made each person unique.  

• Full of grace – quick to forgive and slow to take offense.  

• Discerning – choosing friends who walk in wisdom and pursue righteousness.  

• Sacrificial – putting others’ needs before their own, following Jesus’ example in John 15:13 

  
  

Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends.

In modelling these traits for our children and teaching them to look for these qualities in others, we help them build lasting friendships. Friendships such as these shape character, heal and reflect the love of Christ in daily life.  

The outcomes of various research findings have confirmed the importance and role of friendship on social, mental and even physical well-being. There is evidence from these studies that the friendships we have can negatively or positively impact us. Along with confirming what God's Word says, which is that friendships we form with others are important, as they can lift us up or drag us down, it demonstrates just how important and impactful friendships are from a medical and scientific perspective, emphasising the importance and impact of friendships on our health. 

Every stage of life benefits from strong, stable friendships. It has been found that people who maintain healthy, high-quality friendships are less likely to suffer from depression and anxiety. Additionally, they are happier and more resilient emotionally. According to some studies, supportive friendships can even reduce early death risk more than quitting smoking. Furthermore, in times of stress, friendship serves as a buffer. People perform better under pressure and experience fewer negative physical symptoms-such as high blood pressure or elevated heart rate-when they are accompanied by a trusted friend. The influence of friends can literally change how we view the world; one study found that people judged a hill to be less steep when they stood beside a friend.  

It is important to note that these benefits go beyond social benefits; they are biological benefits. The effects of friendships on our brains are documented in scientific studies. It is not unusual for friends to exhibit similar brain patterns in areas related to motivation, attention, and emotion. But it's not just our close ties (close friends, more regular, lengthy, moderate-high level interactions) that make an impact on our physical, mental and social well-being. According to the studies, weak ties (irregular, short, and low-level interactions with others) such as friendly conversations with our neighbours, baristas, or shopkeepers, can also relieve loneliness, lift our mood, and even provide a feeling of belonging.  

In contrast, the absence of good friendships is associated with serious risks. The effects of loneliness and isolation are associated with increased rates of chronic illness, heart disease, depression, and early death. Yet, many people today, particularly children and teens, struggle to establish deep and meaningful relationships as society becomes increasingly disconnected.  

For children to distinguish between good friendships and those that may harm them, they require intentional guidance as they grow.  

Scripture warns us about the company we choose for ourselves and its impact, one of many verses that stand-out on this is 1 Cor 15:33 

Do not be deceived: “Evil company corrupts good habits.”

Therefore, between what is written in God's Word, which we know is true because God's Word is truth, and science (which confirms what we already know from God's Word), it is important to prepare our children and not just to protect them. Educating them on what to look for in a friend and what 'red flags' to look-out for will enable them to develop relationships that will bless rather than burden them. We have already looked at the components of a good friend so now we will look at the red flags.

Red Flags in friendships include: 

• Quick Tempered (easily angered) - prone to anger and outbursts that harm rather than help. 

• Manipulation - using others for personal gain through control or deceit. 

• Gossip - spreading hurtful or private information that breaks trust. 

• Disrespectful- speaking or acting in ways that dishonours others. 

• Self-Seeking (an appetite for self gain)  - focused on personal benefit rather than shared care and support. 

When children are taught to seek humility, extend grace, and walk in truth, they will be able to establish healthy boundaries for themselves. As a result, they will learn that guarding their hearts is not selfish (Proverbs 4:23), but rather it is an act of wise stewardship of their emotional and spiritual well-being. 

Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life.

As we guide our children towards developing godly friendships, we are not just teaching them spiritual values but also nurturing their overall well-being. By assisting them in building friendships that are based on kindness, loyalty, and honesty, we can prepare them for success in every aspect of their lives. 

Through instruction as well as example, children acquire a greater understanding of what true friendship entails. We can model Christlike friendship at home and in the classroom by being intentional in our own relationships, showing loyalty in hard times, listening with care, choosing kind and honest words, and offering help without being asked. Educators and parents have the opportunity to demonstrate to our children the importance of being supportive and trustworthy friends. We demonstrate to our children what to look for in a friend as well as how to be a good friend through our actions, attitudes, and words. In contrast, we can also show our children how to form unhealthy friendships with bad friends and how to be bad friends themselves by our actions, attitudes, and words. The importance of what we model for our children cannot be overstated. 

Little things can make a big difference: a kind word to a neighbour, a meal prepared for someone in need, or simply taking the time to speak with a friend. Including children in these moments and explaining why we act in love helps them understand that friendships are not built on convenience, but on constant care.  

In addition, we can encourage children to look for opportunities to serve and support others. Whether it’s helping a classmate pick up spilled pencils, inviting someone to join a game, or listening when a friend is upset—these simple acts teach children that love is a choice and service is a strength. As they grow, we can help them develop into companions who uplift rather than tear down by teaching them the importance of kindness, joy, honesty, and grace in friendship.  

When humility is celebrated over popularity, and respect is practiced daily, children can flourish in relationships that honour God. It is as they see, hear, and practice biblical friendship that they are taught to live it out, becoming children who reflect Christ's love to others.  

Popularity, likes, and surface-level appeal are often used to measure friendship in today's culture. There are many children who grow up surrounded by messages that emphasise trendiness, comparison, and self-promotion over humility and sincerity. The influence of social media and peer pressure can easily shift the focus of friendship in favour of self-gain rather than service and truth.  

The nature of biblical friendship, however, is quite different. Kindness is more important than coolness, trust is more important than trendiness, and truth is more important than flattery.   

By encouraging our children to form friendships that reflect God's heart, we prepare them for lifelong joy, resilience, encouragement, and goodness.